Are Men Really Pigs or Does It Just Seem That Way?

by Katherine Scardino

I have consciously made a sincere effort to ignore all the media attention to the latest in a long line of powerful men acting like whore dogs. I thought this subject may be improper for Women in Crime, but then we had another news flash about the French presidential hopeful, Dominique Strauss-Kahn actually getting arrested and accused of raping a maid in his glitzy hotel room in New York. This accusation caused a buzz in the United States as well as all over the world.

The French people got angry at us because our system allows the accused to do the famous “perp walk.” The French believe that doing the “head down, handcuffed” walk into the courtroom creates a sense of guilt in the minds of people who watch it. In this case, most of the citizens of planet Earth saw the haggard, unshaven, unkempt man in an expensive business suit walk handcuffed and led by several police officers. The New York City mayor made a comment, like “don’t do the crime and you won’t have to do the walk” or something to that effect - which just reassured the French that the American system of justice is screwed up. But, why would he risk losing his marriage, political career and friendships over one impulsive urge?

Now Mr. Strauss-Kahn is in serious trouble. But, his trouble is more seriously psychological and mental than the other men we have read and heard about in the media. Take John Edwards, for example. What a true pig. While he was running for the vice-presidency, he was having an affair - and at the same time his wife of several decades was dying of breast cancer. Oh, and then to top this off, as if that was not bad enough, we learned that he had fathered a child by his mistress while married to his dying wife. Prior to the “honorable” Mr. Edwards, we heard all about Newt Gingrich having not one, but two affairs in two different marriages. One affair was going on at the same time he was standing on the floor in Congress berating Bill Clinton for getting it on with Monica Lewinsky, an aide in the White House. At least Eliot Spitzer just had flings with prostitutes--nothing serious there--while married to his very elegant, rich wife. The one I really liked was the governor of South Carolina, Mark Sanford, who disappeared from his political staff, and I suppose his wife, for several days. He told everyone he was going to hike the Appalachian Trail, but he was really enjoying the sun in South America with his latest squeeze. For heaven’s sake, Mark! At least come up with an excuse that sounds better than that.

And, last but certainly not least, here comes the Governator Arnold Schwarzenegger. We learned this week that not only was he having an affair in his home with a household staff member (at least she is female...) but that he had fathered a son, now 14 years old, by this woman. And, this is the same politico who twice vetoed marriage equality in California, while lying to his wife and family. It is always insulting to be the wife of a man who cannot seem to keep his pants zipped, but it is the pinnacle of insulting to learn that he had sex with the mistress in the marital home. A couple of divorce attorneys in California will probably send their children to a ritzy college with their fees in this case.

So, what is going on here? Well, I did some reading on why men cheat and frankly, got a bit gaggy! There are all sorts of excuses--the one I like the best is that men in olden times believed they had to “spread their seed” to promulgate our planet. Seriously? It is not like our men have to pick up their clubs every morning and go out and hunt for our dinner, right?  Some people think that monogamy is not part of our species, and that we are in fact a polygamous species. Doesn’t millions of years of morals, changing cultures, education, or evolution count for anything? Sorry, but that is an excuse that is unacceptable. We are living in a now era. I want something, so I can have it - now. 

I would think that it has got to be difficult to really produce statistics on who does all this cheating, because if I fell in that category, I would just lie. But, it appears that men, and, yes, some women, are more susceptible to cheating when they make money and have power. Why? Because men who are powerful are narcissistic and believe that the world revolves around them and any bad conduct can be ignored and forgiven. The “I can get away with anything” syndrome--isn’t that true? They are self-confident, demanding, and if they see something they want--for example, a woman they can go after (in the case of Strauss-Kahn, forcefully and illegally, perhaps).

The urge to stray from spouses or partners is not insurmountable, guys. Just because you have a penis does not mean you get to use it every time you want to. There is such a thing as self-control. As a woman who has gone through a few men in my lifetime, I appreciate the urge to have sex. But, it would appear that women have more control--or maybe ethics--than men. Women really do believe that they are supposed to remain true to their spouses. It looks to me like men think they should keep their belts tightened and zippers zipped only when they want to, not when the urge is overwhelming. When is the need to have sex overwhelming to the point of ruining marriages and hurting other people? Is it only when you are powerful and in control of the lives of many people? Obviously, that is not always the case, but statistically, that appears to be the way it is with people in these situations.

Political men have an even tougher time. They get voted in to office by people who like them for one reason or another. This leads to narcissism to the nth degree. Look at John F. Kennedy. He was young and handsome, with a beautiful, educated, cultured wife. Was he less of a president because he cheated on Jackie? He actually cheated on her in the White House with the girlfriend of a mob boss from Florida. How much worse can it get? But he was not banned from society nor was he ousted from office. When he was assassinated, the world mourned his death. The media protected him during that era. Not so today. With the Internet, it is difficult to keep a secret. What I cannot figure out is why Schwarzenegger made public a secret that he had obviously successfully kept from the general public for many years. I am sure we will hear more soon.

There is an answer to why men cheat, but it is not one we like. The answer lies in our backgrounds, temperament, psychological makeup, education, finances, and whether he can place his family values over his need to be satisfied “now.” Stay tuned. I’m sure there’s more!